Open Letter to My Abusers

First of all, I’m very sorry for everything my parents did that caused you great hurt. I understand how damaging it is to your heart which in turn created that trauma in you and caused you anger not just at me but also with yourselves. I know that deep down, you are all aware that I never wanted nor wished to made you feel that way. You merely projected to me your anger and frustrations that have been brewing inside of you for many decades.

But after all these years, the effects of those horrible things you guys did to me still haunt me to this day. There are moments wherein it greatly affects the way I see myself that carries over into my relationships.

As hard as it is, I choose to not let trauma control nor define me and let go of the anger and bitterness that has been simmering my heart for decades. I chose to do this not because I tolerate your actions but because I don’t want to hurt myself in the long run. Nothing good can come out of resentment and anger.

I want to let you guys know that I still love and care for each one of you. I don’t wish anything bad will happen to anyone of you. Who am I to do that? After all, you’re still my family. We share the same ancestors. However I can only do that from a distance. Trust once lost cannot be easily gained back. As of this time, I cannot trust you enough for our relationship to be restored nor do I think that would be possible given the very reason why you all rejected me in the first place.

As horrible as your treatment towards me, there are some good things that this experience have taught me. I learned to be more empathetic towards other abuse victims and marginalized people. It also taught me how to value myself, that the past doesn’t define me. Humility, resilience, inner strength and self-reliance are also valuable traits that I gained. If my life had been different, I don’t think I would be strong enough to be able to survive even the slightest challenge life throws at me.

As weird as this sounds, I would like to say thank you for teaching me how to gain these valuable traits. Yes there are better ways to do it and I do preferred it but nevertheless you guys still unconsciously taught me all these important lessons which I will carry over for the rest of my life.

Again I’m very sorry for all the damage that my parent’s illicit affair have caused you which in turn resulted in me and my late older brother being born out of this sinful affair. I give way and leave for good because I don’t want to further hurt you by the mere fact that I exist in your eyes and be the living reminder of the past hurt.

To my late biological dad, I know you did your best to try loving me and accepting me as your son & youngest child but you were still hurting for whatever things my late mom did to you and just like your legitimate children, you also projected that anger and hurt unto me. Whether heaven exists or not, I do hope that you and my mom would make peace with yourselves wherever you two are right now.

I wish the best to all of you.

Sincerely

Your Victim